I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
