I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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