i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Semen is not good for contacts.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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