I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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