think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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