apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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