4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
