I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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