I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
