dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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