I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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