3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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