Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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