i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
