you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
