dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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