I am spending my child support on dildos
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize