i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
