So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
pray to the hookup gods
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize