I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
