don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
