If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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