Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
