They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
