peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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