Just fell off a train. Bad.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
