Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
