i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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