So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
