i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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