My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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