i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
