Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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