at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
