Ketchup is God's man juice
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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