do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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