so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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