Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Houston, we have a blender
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
