I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Every concussion has its silver lining
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
