he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
