Midget sex pt 2 tonight
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
