Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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