Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
