Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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