Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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