Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
