Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
