2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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