You made me cry and you don't even care
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
