My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
