This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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