I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
