there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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