i think my mom watched the whole time
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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