I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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