6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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