you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
