Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
