need another drink. this is the easiest way
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
