hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
