My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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