Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
