i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
