Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
