i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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