I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize