shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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