I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
