i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
