Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
