the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
