I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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