I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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